Validation- Who should validate us?

Let’s discuss Validation. This strange question came to my mind, who should we entrust with validating us? Should it be ourselves; our spouses; our friends or our family or maybe even random strangers.

Validation in this concept is the act of receiving commendation or approval or even praise for who we are or what we have done. Validation is crucial to us as humans as it reaffirms our confidence and strengthens us to keep ongoing. Validation can come in the form of people making a call to encourage you or tell you; you are good enough or when someone says words to you that pushes you to be better.

Everyone wants to be validated, everybody needs to be validated. Validation can make you see yourself in a different light. It can make you believe you can do anything, give you superpowers or a least a sense of one. Validation gives us the courage to tap into a part of ourselves we did not know existed. When validated, we feel accepted, respected, wanted, and loved.

In the pursuit of validation, we must be wary of whom we give this sensitive responsibility to. This is because the person that has the power to validate you also has the power to tear your self-esteem into shreds at the slightest provocation.

Just a short while ago, I  put out a poll asking the question “who is responsible for validating us”? The response was quite diverse; with some noting that our family is responsible for validating us because they know us very well. Some said friends because they are always with us; thus, they must be able to encourage us, push us further, and continue to cheer us on. Others selected the spouse option, noting that we will be together forever so they must encourage one another to succeed. It is their responsibility to validate you at every turn. A few responses selected the self-option, i.e. self-validation. They noted that one must be able to look into the mirror and validate one`s self, they argued that this will make you less dependent on others and what they think about you.

So, what is my opinion on this matter, after all, this is an opinion piece? Personally, I believe that all of these people should validate us; at least to some extent. However, I strongly align with self-validation, it is our responsibility to validate our self. Indeed, you must be able to look in the mirror and cheer your self up. Something very similar to what Issa Rae of the hit TV series “Insecure” does.

My position is premised on the fact that every other person is human and thus imperfect, on some days when they are feeling bad or grey, they can hurt you, they can hurt your self-esteem; this is because they understand and they know your insecurities. So, while our family, friends, spouse, and random strangers can validate us, we must strive for self-validation.

I will like to know what you think on this subject matter, please read, share, and drop your comments.

Also, look out for all my previous write-ups on on different life issues.


Opinion Piece by: Dr. Ejemai Olayemi

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Olayemi Ejemai, Ph.D is married to Oluwaseun Ejemai, they are blessed with three wonderful children. Olayemi is also a professional accountant,Publisher, Author of children books, Lecturer, Trainer and a Seasoned Tutor. She is passionate about empowering everyone around her; particularly children. She believes strongly in grooming children to become confident, independent and responsible adults. Her books include; God made us all,I love my body, I am not a bully, Keeping Promises,Money Matters, My Piggy Bank, My best pet, In the right place, Doing right, The big bright light, My Daddy is a super hero, My Mum My Pride, Sister Sister Brother and A little of everything.

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